Preface by William Thourlby
Prologue
Introduction

1. Is Etiquette Artificial and Outdated?
Be Yourself, Be Natural
Elements of Good Business Etiquette
Musings: Why National Culture Counts
Musings: Individual Behaviour Projects the Country’s Image
Musings: Some Norms are Universal

2. Learning by ‘See and Do Likewise’
Does this Always Work?
Musings: Segmenting and Communities
A Need for Behaving Appropriately
Musings: And There Are No Precedents

3. Personal Grooming
Our Biggest Obstacle is Our Own Ignorance
On Hair, Teeth and Fingers – The Danger Areas

4. A Sense of Dress – In Context and Appropriate
Business Wear: Style and Function
Musings: It’s Just Not Done
Musings: Looking Down and Up
What’s Right or Not Quite – For the Men
What’s Right or Not Quite – For the Women

5. Non-Verbal Communication
It Says More Than Words – Spoken or Written
Musings: Lack of Courtesy through Non-Verbal Communication
Musings: Again the Great Divide – Understanding Non-Verbal Communication
Musings: Corporate Indiscretion
The Non-Verbal Message

6. Verbal Communication
Tell Enough, Just Enough
A Common Wavelength
Musings: Good Human Relations – Based on Empathy
Introductions – The Rules are Simple
The Visiting /Name Card
Understanding Paralinguistics Helps
Understand Other Cultures
Musings: Tune in to Tones

7. Use of the Telephone – Sometimes the Only Entry Point For Relationships
A Summary of Do’s and Don’ts on the Telephone

8. A Sense of Time
As an Individual Commitment
As a Projection of the Image of the Organisation
As a Corporate Promise
Time Across Cultures
Musings: Building Trust, Takes Time

9. Being Discreet – How Much is Too Much?
Musings: On Discretion and the Lack of It
Musings: Discretion in Action
Courteous, Pleasant and Positive
Musings: Vignettes of Courtesy in Different Countries
Key Office Etiquette Tips

10. Entertaining in Business
Power Breakfast
Lunch
Afternoon Tea
Dinner

11. Entertaining and Being Entertained
What Do You Do Before, During and After
Musings: Fingers, Forks and Knives
Musings: The Little Things That Count in the Way We Eat
Musings: Coming to the End of the Meal

12. The Cocktail Party – Use and Abuse
Musings: Too Much Alcohol damages Livers and Careers

13. Giving and Receiving Gifts
A Norm in Business or a Bribe?
What you should and should not give

14. Neutral Conversations
The Great Facilitator
Musings: Courtesy with Thoughtfulness

15. Business Etiquette towards Elders and Women

16. Business Etiquette towards Superiors and Clients

17. Business Etiquette with Client Personnel and Subordinates
Musings: ‘After You, Please’
Musings: Universal Rule and Regional Rules

18. Different Strokes for Different Folks
Musings: Some Things Remain the Same
While Some Things Change
Musings: In Global Business, the Key to Success is Your Range of Flexibility
Books on Business Protocol for Further Reading

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Non-Verbal Communication It Says More Than Words Spoken or Written We pay too much attention to only verbal communication. Actually 70% of communication between people is non-verbal. That is why it is possible to have limited communication in distant lands, even without knowing the language. There is great need to spend time and effort to learn the non-verbal language in different cultures to succeed in the global village. It is said that 70% of communication between people is nonverbal. This may well be true. When you look and observe the communication between mother and infant or child; between lovers; between husband and wife; between best friends, you will see that they communicate effectively; and without spoken or written words. Non-verbal communication has nine dimensions. You can communicate with head nods and say Yes or No or Perhaps or even, I don’t know! Head nods have a cultural dimension. The side-to-side nod of the Indian is special. Not replicated in the East or West. And says ‘nothing all right’, or at best, ‘perhaps.’ When a Japanese nods when I make a presentation, he means ‘I follow you’. I may take it as ‘I am in agreement with you.’ You can communicate with your eyes. They say the eyes are windows to the soul. The eyes show interest or lack of it. There is sparkle or there is dullness. They show love or hate. The changes are very small and very subtle. However, there is also a cultural context. In the East, looking at a woman or a senior person straight in the eye will be perceived as ‘trying to be intimate’ and ‘being defiant.’ In the West, deflecting the gaze will be perceived as being a ‘shifty person’ who cannot bear scrutiny. Communication can take place through the facial expression. A smile or a frown. It takes only 17 muscles to smile and four times as many to frown. But most people will insist on doing more exercise with nearly 42 muscles – and frown. A smile in fact, is the building block of the worldwide language and needs no translation. Communication takes place through hand gestures. Winston Churchill’s famous V sign, Hitler’s hand forward – are all examples of hand gestures used as language. One has to be careful about the cultural context. Using a finger to show the direction in the Middle East is distasteful. Using the finger of the left hand is worse. And if you have crossed your legs and the toe and sole are pointed in the direction of the host, then this is unpardonable. In the Middle East therefore, it will always be the use of the whole right arm to point direction. And it is safe to keep your toes firmly and squarely on the floor. Body posture is also a form of communication. Have you noticed how most CEOs walk? With a straight posture and a confident step. Head slightly titled to one side. It comes with position. And this happens throughout the world. Posture reflects the position, the status, the power and the wealth. Body proximity also communicates. In the West, the personal space required is much higher. They resent people coming too close. In the East, it is common to see people close to each other, slapping each other on the shoulder; and even men walking on the street hand in hand. However, distances between men and women is carefully maintained in the East. Women will not normally shake hands with men. And at parties, all the men will congregate together (generally close to the bar) and talk shop; and the women will sit together and talk about the 3 Cs – cooking, clothes and children. Body contact therefore is different in the East and the West – so it is best to watch and see what others do, and do likewise. For the Japanese, a handshake is de rigueur. For the Middle East, handshakes among men are common, as in South Asia. In India and Thailand, women will raise their palms held together as a ‘namaskar’ greeting. And touching the head of a woman in Thailand is considered a serious offence, because the head is sacred. In Europe, men will greet women with a kiss on the cheek. In Portugal and Spain, perhaps kiss on both cheeks. In Belgium, it is three kisses, left, right and left again. Dress and appearance are also a form of non-verbal communication. It is, in fact, so important that it merits a separate chapter. Nehru, Gandhi, Mao, Churchill, Roosevelt, Stalin, all used dress and appearance to project an image – an image differentiated from all others, and therefore, unique. Too many of us do not take trouble enough to learn the body language in different cultures. And many of us do not know how to smartly communicate through body language. But if 70% of communication is through body language, we need to learn. M U S I N G S Lack of Courtesy through Non-Verbal Communication When we talk about being pleasant, courteous and positive, we find that there are times when this does not work. There can be subconscious cultural barriers, which cause the courtesy to be misunderstood or where the courtesy is not considered enough. The CEO of a large corporation in Canada was negotiating for a contract with a company in Dubai. It was going to be big business and make a big difference to the financial results of the Canadian company. Mr Rahim was invited to Toronto to see the manufacturing and research facilities of the Canadian company. David, the CEO, organised a lavish dinner party for Mr Rahim. David took care to ensure that no pork or alcohol was served in deference to Rahim’s cultural roots. He also made sure that some Lebanese delicacies were part of the menu. When Rahim came in, David received him at the door. Then introduced him to some of the other guests – some of whom were senior managers in the Company; and then led him to the dinner wagon. Rahim was pleased with what he saw. But said that he will help himself later. Have some juice then? Well, sure ‘I will have some later’. David then began mingling with his other guests and for a while, lost sight of Rahim. A half hour later, he could not find Rahim who had quietly slipped out and gone back to his hotel. The next day, Rahim left for Dubai and the contract was never signed! What had gone wrong? Against the background of Middle East culture, Rahim had expected his host to pay full attention to him at the party. David thought that while Rahim was the chief guest, he should also pay sufficient attention to all his other guests. In the Middle East, it is not customary to accept food or drink unless the host repeats the invitation, perhaps two or three times. Then, it is a reluctant ‘all right’. (This is also true in South Asia). David had offered Rahim, some food only once – and thought that when he is ready, he will help himself. To Rahim, this was very insulting. The host had not been a perfect host. In fact, as chief guest, Rahim had been insulted. David thought he had been a perfect host and had extended all courtesies. It was the great cultural divide. An ignorance of nonverbal communication. Pulkit Soni, wrote to me about one of the many personal experiences he has had in his career. And he shared the following story, which I am sharing with other readers of this book. “Some time back while I was in Australia, following my studies in Portfolio and Economic Analysis, I was putting up at a shared housing arrangement. Here, people of all ages and various countries and communities were staying. I happened to discuss a business plan with one of my Japanese housemates (owner of a profitable SME in Japan) and forwarded him a proposal. He liked it and called for his executive from Japan to finalise the deal. I was supposed to meet him at a hotel restaurant to discuss the deal. Being the host I was there well before time and was waiting for his arrival at the outside door that was up a short flight of steps. Soon, he arrived and stepping down from his car started to climb the stairs slowly and constantly looking at me in a sort of amazement. We met, sat, ate and discussed the deal thereafter. Later, while dropping him off to his hotel, I asked him about the deal closing. He said that he would inform me the next day. Next morning, I was surprised to find that he had already left by the first flight. A bit annoyed and confused at this behaviour, I asked my Japanese friend for an explanation for the act. I was told plainly that I was rude to him. I was left speechless as according to me, I did not drop the slightest hint of non-conformity to the executive. Getting deeper into the matter I found that my offence was that I did not move down the steps on the hotel entrance to greet my guest. In Japan, it is basic business etiquette for the host and the guest to meet at the ‘same level’. Amazing isn’t it how tit-bits of the protocol world could make such a big difference?” Pulkit Soni had been pleasant, courteous and positive but the Japanese prospect still found him wanting. There was the cultural barrier – invisible, but real? M U S I N G S Again the Great Divide – Understanding Non-Verbal Communication A US corporation in Ohio invited their prospective new distributor from an Asian country to the US to visit their manufacturing plants. These visits always helped to create confidence and trust. Mr XL accepted the invitation and arrived as per the schedule. He was received by Gwen Rogers, the General Manager – Public Relations. She welcomed him and then drove with him to the hotel – got him checked in, and then, having fixed the time for the meeting with the Board of Directors the next morning, proceeded to say ‘goodbye.’ Mr XL was first surprised. Then he was annoyed and then angry. He had assumed that Gwen would spend the evening and perhaps, the night with him. It should be the hospitality of the host company. Perhaps, Gwen did not like him, or approve of him? He was offended. He just could not think of the possibility that Gwen Rogers was a professional – just doing her job – and no more! It was a question of perception – the cultural mores of different countries. Mr XL did not go ahead with the negotiations. The proposed relationship never fructified! On a visit to Tokyo some years ago, I found I needed a tube of toothpaste and a razor the morning after I arrived. I knew there was a store opposite the hotel, so I went there at 7.30 a.m. I entered the store, went straight to the relevant section, picked up what I wanted and went to the counter to pay. The owner seemed upset with me. I could see it from his speech and from his body language. I decided I will confront him. I asked him whether I had done anything wrong by helping myself to the articles I needed. “No,” he said. “I am annoyed that you entered the shop – and did not even say ‘Good morning’ to me. For us in Japan, these courtesies are important. It’s not just about business. It is also about correctness and politeness!” Maybe he was right. I have never made the same mistake again! Yet overdoing courtesy is also wrong. Because exaggerated imitation can be perceived as mockery rather than flattery. So when a Japanese will give you a visiting card (or name card as they call it) and accept one of yours, he will bow two or three times, repeat your name and designation and name of the company, perhaps twice, and seem suitably impressed. To do exactly likewise will seem odd. A more muted response is called for, and is more appropriate. There are those among Indians who will try and outdo the number of bows and the repetition of the name; and when this happens, the Japanese can possibly see that this is a crude imitation. And this is not appreciated. At the other extreme there are those who accept the card, and put it in their trouser back pocket after only a cursory glance; and then sit on it. Such disrespect for an item which the Japanese take so seriously, and which, in many ways, is the soul of their identity is not acceptable! It is the easiest way to hurt the ego anywhere in the world – but especially in Japan.

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